There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
