How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he thought i was a dude.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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