I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
