Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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