that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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