i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
