I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
