i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
