im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
