Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
