I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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