Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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