hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
