Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize