I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
