I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
