Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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