True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
