I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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