she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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