so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
