you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
