I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
