so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
