note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
