bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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