I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
