Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
