Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
