I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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