im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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