seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
