I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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