i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
where are my eyebrows?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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