All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize