I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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