The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
