Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
