Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
