I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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