Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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