I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
