I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This girl is more easily done than said...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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