maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
