Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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