My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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