its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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