YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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