...so i touched it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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