he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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