Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
