you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
