i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize