I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
