i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
