Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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