Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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