my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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