dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
