Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
