so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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