The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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