who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
