To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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