you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
