make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
