Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
